It was the summer of 1990.
My dad was the Vice President of the New York Society for the Deaf (NYSD). One day, he told me that there’d be a celebratory occasion lasting several days in London. The celebration would include a meeting with Princess Diana.
I asked him, What celebration?
He answered, “To celebrate the 80th Anniversary of NYSD and the 100th Anniversary of British Deaf Association (BDA)1.”
I later learned that Princess Diana had been a patron for BDA since 19832 and told Dad that I was looking forward to visiting London. I had not been there since July 1981 when my family and I visited numerous countries in Europe for one month. London was also the place where my deafness was confirmed when I was 15 months old.3
I asked Dad if he was coming. He said no, because he had other commitments, but he said I’d be going there with Dr. Joel Ziev, the executive director of NYSD, and his second wife Pat.
Before we go further with the story of my meeting with Princess Diana, I’d like to elaborate a bit on Joel. He is the hearing father of a d/Deaf man and he loves to chat in American Sign Language (ASL) with d/Deaf people. However, he had grown self-conscious because he lost his left index finger in a sailing accident the year before. He was worried how d/Deaf people would respond when he communicated with one missing index finger in ASL. Also, Joel and his first wife were in a situation similar to what my parents underwent with me. The parents took their toddler sons to a specific medical university, not necessarily at the same time. The university doctors ran both hearing tests and IQ (intelligence quotient) tests on us boys. After the tests, they told the parents that not only their boys were deaf but also the boys would be lucky just to graduate from a vocational high school for the deaf, nothing more. Naturally, all the parents were upset, but that’s where the similarities ended. Both my parents and Joel didn’t believe the doctors (for further details, see postscript 1 at the end of this blog), but Joel’s wife believed the doctors. This was part of the reason that the Zievs got divorced.
Back to London. So we all flew there from NYC in July 1990, and participated in several events honoring NYSD and BDA. For example, we visited Hampton Court, ate lunch at the Althorp House, toured the Lambeth Palace (the home of the Archbishop of Canterbury) and its famous gardens, and took a river cruise along the River Thames on the way to the Windsor Castle. The Althorp House4 once belonged to Princess Diana’s father, John Spencer, the 8th Earl Spencer (Figure 1) and is now owned by Princess Diana’s younger brother Charles, the 9th Earl Spencer. It’s also where Princess Diana is buried.
The highlight of my trip to London took place at the Hatfield House. It was where we’d meet Princess Diana, have dinner and dance afterwards. During the champagne ceremony, I met several members of high British society. I also met John ‘Jock’ Young5, the chairperson of BDA, his interpreter Julia and his assistant Christie. Jock and I were probably the only ones with hearing loss that attended the event, and we didn’t communicate long, partially because we used different sign languages (mine is in ASL, and Jock’s was British Sign Language — Figure 2) and partially because he had to leave early due to his prior commitments. Once he and Julia left, I had a lengthy talk with Christie. She introduced me to the Most Honorable Marquess of Salisbury, adding that he was the President of BDA. He had a really stiff upper lip. When I said something to Lord Salisbury, he ignored me and walked away. Either he didn’t understand me, he couldn’t believe a deaf person like me could vocalize well enough to be understood, and/or he didn’t think I was important enough for him to spend more time with me. The lack of sign language interpreters didn’t help. After Lord Salisbury left, I mentioned something that surprised Christie. I said that out of all the attendees, only one was deaf (remember that Jock left earlier), even though the event was set up to honor two associations for the Deaf.
At the end of the champagne reception (before Princess Diana showed up), one of her ladies told all of us ‘patrons’ not to stare at Princess Diana. The lady also suggested that we develop small circles, say, about four or five people so that Princess Diana would join a circle to chat for a few minutes, after which she’d jump to another circle.
I was with Joel and Pat when Princess Diana joined us (Figures 3 & 4). When she joined us, I slightly bowed my head, and shook hands with her. I noticed that she must have learned of my background, i.e., who I was, what I did, etc. That’s OK with me because she did her homework – she needed to feel comfortable before she could meet someone whom she had never met before.
I started talking with Princess Diana. I was concerned about her British accent, but her lips were surprisingly clear for me to read. I asked her why she was interested in helping the d/Deaf. She said it began with one of her close friends who was heavily involved in BDA. She then asked me if it was difficult to listen to fellow human beings chatting in a group conversation. I told her that, well, I had been used to such a type of conversation for so long a time that I had developed a bad habit of interrupting.
Princess Diana jumped in, saying, “I do that all the time!”
That made everyone but me laugh at her spontaneous reply. As for me, I only smiled but deep down, I was stunned and speechless — I did not expect any sense of humor from a British royal, much less Princess Diana, at such a serendipitous moment. It was then that Princess Diana had to leave our circle for the next circle. As she walked away, she continued to look at us and smile at us, and I sometimes wish we could continue to talk, partially because we were about the same age (she was only two years older than I). She was a wonderful person who had made me feel special on that evening, and I’m still sad that she’s been gone since that fateful last day of August 1997.
(Photo by unidentified royal photographer)
Postscript 1: The three university doctors were absolute jackasses. Before I took their IQ test, they gave me a tranquilizer. Hell, I was only three years old and deaf! How much language did they think I could have? So why give me an IQ test?
In any event, I refused to let anyone to hold my head steady when they tried to take an X-ray of my head and I was so spaced out that I scored very low in their IQ test. Now, when I think of that, I find it so unbelievable and laughable that it’s not funny at all. Ha-Ha. Hey doctors, guess where I went to college? Hey again, did you know that I’m a Ph.D.? Yeah right.
I am not yet finished laughing at those idiots. Two of them were married to each other, and at least one of them did not believe in abortion due to his religious beliefs. After consulting my parents about my hearing loss and my so-called future, that doctor put his arm around my father’s shoulders and quietly suggested that he put my mother (who was pregnant with my brother Andrew at that time) on the top of their car and have her jump off the top. That doctor thought that deafness would become a terrible disability both for the unborn child and for his/her parents. Well, thanks but no thanks, bastard (FYI, Andrew was born with typical hearing, and is doing fine).
My father still shudders when he thinks of the damage such doctors must have done with their ignorant advice to vulnerable parents. Fortunately, Dad did not act on his impulse to punch at least one of the doctors in the face.
Fortunately again, Dad did not have to drive that day, because my maternal grandmother was with us all the way. She drove us from NYC to the specific university and back without much incidence (it was three or four hours each way). And guess what else? She drove in very heavy rain both ways, all in one g-ddamned day.
She was one tough lady, and I miss her very much.
Postscript 2: NYSD became part of the Federation Employment & Guidance Service organization (FEGS) in the late 2000s or early 2010s. Unfortunately, FEGS went bankrupt in 2015, and no one knows exactly why or how it happened.6
References
1British Deaf Association – Wikipedia
2Princess Diane: a patron of BDA (handspeak.com)
3Thank G-d, I thought he was retarded – Welcome (the-eagle-ear.com)
5Jock Young (deaf rights campaigner) – Wikipedia
6In the aftermath of FEGS, human service providers warn of crisis (politico.com)